Top 5 risks for business operations in the North Pole

Business operations in the North Pole are threatened by increasing and interconnected vulnerabilities, according to a new report from the insurance industry.

“No large organization can afford to be complacent in today’s challenging context, even one as famous as Santa’s North Pole,” said Zurich Insurance Group’s Head of Seasonal Risk, Carol Singer.

Ho Oh No: Could Santa Come Unstuck? examines cross-cutting risks in a region where 100 percent of GDP is delivered in just one night.

Among key findings, the report warns of:

Supply chain disruptions: Tighter regulation in the mining of fairy dust has led to knock-on shortages of the only substance which enables the manufacture at scale of everything from Elsa dolls to talking AI robots in a floating ice-bound wasteland. Within the logistics sector, sleighs have ground to a halt and queued between ice floes because of driver shortages and border disputes.

Toxic workplace culture: Reports of bullying in the reindeer division were rife, while managers also expressed concern about a lack of meritocracy in the top tiers of the organization and no succession plan to replace the current leader.

Health and safety breaches: Despite flying through the air, keyworkers were not equipped with adequate protective gear, while one whistleblower warned that aerial drink driving was encouraged from the very top. Concerns were also raised about the staff canteen. “Do you know how many raw eggs go into our eggnog recipe? You don’t want to, believe me,” said one disgruntled employee.

Rising polarization: Always a risk at the Pole, data pointed to a 23 percent decline in merry communal whistling and a 72 percent rise in hostile messages posted on Jingle, the company intranet. The workforce has become bitterly divided over whether to describe itself as “merry” or “bright,” with relations breaking down between the two factions.

Intellectual property vulnerabilities: The rise of AI, and in particular progress in Natural Language Processing, threatens a key pillar of the Pole’s business model: Santa’s unique ability to instantaneously interpret millions of poorly spelled missives from the world’s children.

On a more positive note, the report found that more people than ever now believe in Santa. Belief in Santa is vital in the creation of stardust, a far more environmentally friendly sleigh fuel than mined fairy dust.

And finally, more people are on Santa’s ‘nice’ list than ever before. Now surely that’s got to be good for the planet.

Happy holidays!!!

Please note: This article is totally fictitious. Apart from the reference to Santa as he is very real indeed!